Today was an interesting day. Not only was I anxious for going to my workplace (just for half a day), but also I was very nervous for leaving my 8 months baby for the first time with someone other than her mother. What a horrible feeling.
Despite the little hiccups here and there of the arrangement, I was able to find someone to look after baby M at my home. I was able to feel that I could at least control something that my heart wasn’t entirely ready for. But yet, when I closed that door to head out to my previous professional life I couldn’t help but feeling a big knot on my throat and my stomach. The anxiety of not knowing how my little one was doing; the sadness for not being me who was cherishing those precious moments, all of that really sets you up for some stomach pain.
I had to be strong and keep walking.
As I dived into work my heart rejoiced upon performing tasks that one day were normal to me. Saying hello to colleges and speaking at a regular tone. This was just as refreshing as it was the first month of maternity leave.
However, given the great outcome of the decision this still wouldn’t have changed that leaving baby for the first time would have been easy and painless. It hurt, yes. It was hard, yes. It was necessary, yes.
For all those parents going through the ‘leaving baby for the first time’ with someone else other than family, I understand and wish you the best positive memory of it. There is nothing better than seeing your precious bundle all safe, well and taken care of.
