I am a professor of the phrase “If I don’t ask for your opinion, keep it to yourself”. This phrase came to my head while I was expecting. It amazed me the amount of people giving me unasked advice of what to do while pregnant, what to eat or drink, what to do when the baby comes and so on. I also do not give advice unless I’m asked for it, but I also shut someone up if they only keep complaining about something and do nothing to change it.

Well, since then I really tried hard not to misjudge what I see for a moment if I don’t know the whole story behind. For instance, some parents judge those that have their crying child around 10 pm hanging at the store with them while they should be sleeping. But, maybe those parents that are judging really don’t know that perhaps those parents already tried everything in their power to calm those kids and maybe tiring them a little more helps them settle after a while. Or maybe the fresh air and perhaps a public place help the parents to remain calm to a frustrating situation.

And then.. it happened to me. I just run into a scene that made me brake my own rule of not judging at the first impression, but it was so hard to avoid. I was waiting for the skytrain at the platform, and this very young mom of two girls got close to me. She looked to be around 25. Her bigger girl looked around 7yrs maybe, and the youngest, who was in a stroller, looked like she was 2 yrs. So, the entire time she was waiting for the train with me, she was texting. Staring at that dead plastic box carefully scrolling with her eyes as if she was looking for gold. Nothing wrong, I said to myself, I look at my phone and text too. The thing is I do that as long as I have a chance and only if I am not required to attend one of my baby’s needs. However, what it caught my eye was that the older girl was so desperately trying to talk to her mom. She was telling her stories and several times asked her questions to which all of them got ignored by her mother. She was so hypnotized by her phone. She was so deeply engaged that I doubt she was barely listening to her surroundings. The toddler, who looked so calm sitting in the stroller, was just looking away and her older sister kept talking to every direction looking for her mom’s attention and once in a while she turned to her sister to play with her when didn’t get a single reaction of her mom. We were waiting at the platform for 20 mins, so I wonder, was that enough time to create a good judgement of the situation?

Now, some people would say that is not of my business to judge to begin with. And it is true, most things I do not. I don’t judge if a situation works for that person. I don’t judge if their actions only affects them and they are okay like that. But, when children are involved, when children are being neglected or suffering, when the matter affects others and me – which in this case it does in the long run – it is my business. These children are going to become society, society that will be around my kids. So it is my right to judge this behavior. All I could think of is “why are you giving more importance to a plastic thing that your own daughter!!!!?” “why aren’t you engaging with your kids and make them feel like a million bucks?” “why don’t you talk to them, avoidance is the worst thing you can teach to a kid”. I wanted to slap her. I do really hope the story behind that is a happy one, I really do. There is no worse thing for me that knowing children are unhappy.