A few days ago I run into a great post from Chosen chaos about people and their stupid questions. That made me think of the most useless and annoying prompts some people had asked me in the last nine months since baby M was born.

After I submitted my comment I couldn’t stop thinking about it. In a city like Vancouver where diversity is so obvious, homosexuality is publicly accepted, people from almost every part of the world is found here, a city where believes and customs are respectfully practiced; there is still a need for people to be defined.

I heard it all, “are you married?” “are you straight?” “do you speak Mexican? (lol – and you speak American? idiot)”. A huge need to know one another, a need to trust what we are looking at and who we are talking to.

And then, I couldn’t help but wonder; “are our kids excluded?”

Ever since Baby M came into the picture I knew I was going to ask for the gender of the ultrasound. I just knew, that’s me. It gave me more confidence even if at the end it wasn’t as expected, but in the meantime, I wasn’t feeling blind. That was my personal choice and feeling at the moment.

After her birth, going to the malls were always a little exhausting, not because of the stroll nor the hassle of coordinating so much around a tiny little bugger, but because almost every body who loves newborns or non-walking babies asked me questions almost at every store in the mall. But the ones that stick to me for being annoying or useless were:

-“Is it a boy or a girl”? – This was the most common question. In my head all I can think of is “Who cares! it’s a baby”. Would it change someone’s appreciation if it’s a boy or a girl? I guess not.
Then, we have a variation of this question; baby had been vomited in baby pink outfit from head to toe and a woman asked me if it was a boy or a girl. I seriously said to her “well, she is all dressed up in pink and look, she has a bow on her head”. But that didn’t go well, she replied “well, she has a boy’s face”. I almost punch her in the face. Since then I just limit myself to say “girl”. But, I can’t stop thinking, why do we feel the need to know babies’ sex outside the womb? seriously.

– “Is she yours?” Okay, I get it, she doesn’t look very much like me that will give you an A+ in observant class. Although she does look more like me than my husband in our baby stages – I have proof. But, just for a second, let’s just say she is not mine that I adopted her or I kidnapped her, so…You ask me to disclose my full story? You know that I don’t know you, right? What use can you do with my answer anyway?

Deep down I feel people, me included, might ask these question out of habit. Or others, just might feel they need to ask something because they are nosy nervous. But, really, it only takes a second to double check the question before you pop it. And don’t get me started with your answers, like the lady that said my baby had a boy’s face, because next time you might get a punch in the face.

I guess being defined is everywhere we go, with everyone we see and in almost everything we do. And it doesn’t look like it will go away.