“Love hurts”. Sure we have heard these words more than a handful. And yet, I still wonder if this is only applicable to the matter of the heart in our teenage years – a scene of the Twilight movie just came into my head, sorry. How did we started putting these words together?

1. I guess it could start by loosing someone’s virginity. If not emotional pain is felt the next day, surely you have wished the use of a lubricant. Ouch!

2. Did I mentioned emotional pain earlier? This might be brought over as remorse – you know, when you find out it wasn’t the wisest decision to do it with the kid that often dismisses you, but hey, he is cool – or, it could be brought over as drama upon the relationship. “You are mine!” they say.

3. Or what about relationships that are not meant to be, like that platonic love you have for your best friend’s boyfriend or that married boss, or just a bad crush cause by so much reading about a fantasy character. You are set to doom. And, something hurts inside somewhere around your chest – hopefully is not a physical condition – but you know the feeling flags an emotion.

I kept going on and on about other previous examples in my head but most of them were not related to my current status, mom. What about babies, children, families and then I couldn’t help but wonder, in mommyland, does love hurt? And if so, how is that manifested?

I guess for starters getting pregnant is not at all easy, at least not for some. Since the very first try for conception, it could be a painful procedure. All for the name of love. Pregnancy pain ranged from morning sickness to bones. There was swelling in every part of the body. There was discomfort, oh yeah, now we are talking. Those bones felt for the first time what it was about to be old.

What about labor? the most terrifying thought a woman can have – especially when they are single and strangely around to those that have their worst labor story ever. Labor is not a visit to Disneyland – I don’t know why some people use the “happiness of being in Disneyland” as an example to make a point. Imagine what it would be like delivering a baby in a giant mug? or even worse, a roller-coaster? Scary. Anyway I’m diverging now.
Labor pain – contractions, the poking of several needles, the actual birth, the stitching, the post-recovery, the c-section (if you end up with one) with surgery healing time, I tell you… it better be love that moves us to do this, otherwise would we be masochistic? or just into a weird kind of kink… (this last one also takes me to a who-knows-if-it-is-true kind of story that a woman had orgasms every time she delivered vaginally – ahem!)

Oh, oh, wait…but, one of the most controversial issues of all kind. Breastfeeding. This hurts too. It is not easy and it is not always pain-free. I wasn’t lucky to have knowledgeable people around me to help me breastfeeding. At the hospital, literally, an old nurse read to me (READ) from a pamphlet how to do it. I couldn’t believe it. Then, I got others that were telling me to do it their way. A couple of days of cracked, sore nipples later I finally got it, but it took me longer because of lack of support.

Some others, like yours truly, develop or show gallstones. I am small and petite, so it was not due to my everyday deep fry diet. But gallstones are commonly developed during pregnancy too (grrr). The pain is similar to labor, which after several attacks you realize that all the fear you had for having children in the first place is ridiculous when putting up to this and no baby as an outcome. I would have a big family by now. So I went for the surgery. That’s how having a baby also gave me 4 little incisions on my belly. Which by the way, all last week, I was in excruciating pain and after 5 months of having the surgery done it seemed it was scaring around the area that was causing it. It just went away, as doctor said, and thank acetaminophen for that too, but it did take some energy out of me.

And then, I thought it was over. I thought my pain was about to subside. All the worst seem to have passed and I was about to sit back and enjoy the ride. Mommyhood was getting nice and then…immunization shots show up.

When baby M was two months old, it did not register to me her little cry after those shots. Neither at 4 months or 6 months old. But this last one, at 1 year old mark just broke my heart. Deep deep inside I felt again the pain in my chest. My baby was being hurt physically and her mama was emotionally.

So, this previous event marked to me that the end of our suffering, the end of our souls being hurt by our children’s pain is never going to stop. Last week it was her immunization, in a couple of years might be her first fight, or even her first broken heart. All I know is that as a mom I am not able to sit back and just relax – at least not virtually.