I gave birth to my first and only born 4 years ago. To our luck, Milla was conceived at the first try. Giving how easy it was for me to conceive her, husband and I thought a two year gap would be ideal for our future children. So, we started trying to conceive for child #2 pretty much a month after I returned to work. But the months passed and I was still not pregnant. Instead, friends emerged like popcorn with their glowing news about their pregnancies, and I felt left out.

What do you do when your friends are getting pregnant and you are not? I’ll tell you how: lots of smiles and lots of congratulations notes even though deep deep inside, there was always the question “why not me?” I was happy for my friends, sure. I even fantasized having my friends pregnant at the same time with me sharing once again our time. And this was not the plan; I was supposed to be pregnant too. The only thing left was to breathe deep and not to let it go too much to my head.

Third year

Then Milla turned 3, and other friends came out with their glowing news about their pregnancies. At this point I was fighting hard not to panic too much about infertility. I thought on blaming it all on my fertility app. But strangely I noticed through out the year changes in my skin complexity, in my hair structure, and weight gain and that last one really left me thinking.

So last year, before going on my trip to Mexico, I went to see my family doctor and expressed all the changes in my menstrual cycles, skin, hair and weight. He sent me for blood work and the results came back good. GOOD? How can they be good?!! At the very least I got him to refer me to a fertility clinic where they were able to look in more detail about my menstrual cycle issues. Due to the doctor they assigned me to at the clinic, he made me feel I had a dollar sign on my face so I stopped the visits. While the doctor suggested to get all the possible tests done, he also suggested to start right away all treatments at once without results known yet, this to advance the possibility of pregnancy. This was great but I wasn’t comfortable to be given so much medication without needing it for sure. That and also the fact he was pushing to get some tests done on my own expense because they were not covered by our Canadian health system – again, pushing without knowing if I needed those test yet. This is why I stopped the visits. So, I went to Mexico and decided to be hopeful.

Fourth year

But this year, exactly at a year mark, I returned to the same clinic but asked for a different doctor. Blood tests followed – who knew I would voluntarily get my arm ready for a needle poke that many times – an ultrasound, and a super uncomfortable uterine x-ray, God knows that’s worse than a pap smear.

When I met with the new doctor she told me she saw I had a uterine polyp and also one of my ovaries wasn’t releasing eggs. As she said “something in your brain is not sending the correct signal to your ovaries to release the eggs”. Great, now I have a new mental issue in addition to the existing ones.

I started doing some research regarding uterine polyps and hormone imbalances. And to my surprise mood can be affected by hormonal changes. Looking back it started to make sense. I remember, back in June, I was telling my friend Bruna from Beeswithhoney that I was going through so much, both emotionally and psychologically, and that I needed to step back for a while from the blogging world. I just couldn’t focus on it, I was feeling depressed and overwhelmed. I do feel the changes in mood was to its peek around that time.

Progress

I had my polyp surgery yesterday at the UBC Hospital (the same hospital where I had my gallbladder removed 6months after child delivery) and this time the nurse attention was superb. My recovery has been better than expected, they told me to expect cramps and heavy bleeding, but so far I haven’t needed tylenol or other pain relief type.

My next thing in my power will be to look at the root cause of my hormone imbalances, because I know the fertility clinic is only doing fixes to get me pregnant, but not to cure the root cause of why “my brain” is not sending the correct signal for egg release. Maybe I’ll hit the Chinese acupuncture or seek Naturopath advice, I heard there are some herbal remedies that help restore hormone issues.

For now, my hopes for a second pregnancy continue alive. I’m aware there’s still more time to account, recovery time, treatment and hopefully no complications if egg attachment happens. I never thought I would be living such journey, I gained a new level of respect for couples that go through the stress of infertility.

—-

Did you like this post, what about sharing or commenting on it? You will get a special place in my heart.

Follow along Twitter, Google+, Facebook, or subscribe! it would make me love you even more.